So I'm sitting in the Metropolitan Lounge right now in Chicago's Union Street Station. I haven't gotten a chance to explore the station yet because I'm here trying to finish my blog from yesterday and I realize that I'm swaying back and forth slightly. I guess that being on a moving train for a few hours does that to you. lol.
I realized something else about myself. I am apparently, very easily amused. I had originally had my SO 'N' save a bunch of programs on my computer (including all Seasons of The Biggest Loser except the 1st) so that I'd have something to do to while away the time on the train. Instead, I happily sat on the train and looked out the window for hours until it grew too dark to do so. Yup. Easily amused. It wasn't anything interesting at the time either. It was mainly just woods, some water here and there and a few small cities and towns.
* real time update:
Had plans to post my blog with some flip cam videos via youtube but the internet connection here is far too slow. It says it's going to take 5 hours for a 1 minute clip. Soo... sorry guys! I'll update this with the vids later. It'll be fun, promise.
So, since I am majorly sleep deprived and I've been typing whenever I had the chance to do so, here are some random thoughts and postings I made throughout the day:
So, I'm sitting here in the First Class Lounge right now in New York Penn Station. I want to take a flipcam video but the place is packed. I'm going to wait a bit until it quiets down before I mosey around filming strangers.
Being a good samaritan isn't always beneficial to health and safety. While assisting a woman with some questions about Amtrak and the first class lounge, I was repeatedly contaminated by her microbes as she launched several full-frontal cough attacks at me and in my water. I hope I don't get sick!
I mentioned the incident to my friend,'P,' who said this:
Stay away from her or anyone that is sick. You need to be in the best health possible! Dont let your good heart derail you from your mission!
Great choice of words to someone who's about to board a train, right? lol.
So to continue in this extremely disorganized and disjointed post (hey, I'm on the road, ok?) here is what happened to me in the evening before I left:
I grabbed a very unhealthy dinner with 'N' and had Fish Nibblers from White Castle. Someone up above punished me by filling one of those suckers with hot oil which burned my tongue pretty badly. (It's two days on and it still hurts!) Then I went home to pack.
I packed all night long. Mind you, I've been packing for this trip for a few months now. I sectioned off a portion of a room and have been depositing all my purchases for my trip in that area ever since I made my reservation. The evening before was just organizing it all and packing it into my suitcase. I finished up roughly around 7:15AM, dropped into bed for an hour and was back up. I managed to fill a medium sized hard Samonsite suitcase, a backpack and also a large USPS flat rate shipping box. Here's my packing list:
Contact stuff (holder, eye juice, glasses, glasses wiper, glasses cleaner)
hairbrush, curler stuff, hair ties, head band (get travel-size hairspray, put in purse) volume spray
body brush, body scrubs, razor, body wash, shampoo, conditioner.
toothbrush, toothbrush charger, flosser, braces wax, q-tips, cotton, pimple med, mouthwash, clarisonic, clarisonic charger, travel baby powder, cough drops, bug spray, shower cap, flash drive, vaseline/bodyglide, manicure set (bring big clippers too), purex, boxing gloves, poncho/rain wear, goggles.
polar ft7, socks, bras, shirts, pants, jammies , nightlight(wear 'uniform of fleece, big t-shirt, fleece pants, socks & sneakers on train. bring spare pair of lighter pants, flip flops in carry-on) dresses for normal nights out. one pair of jeans and 'normal t-shirts'
2 pairs of flip-flops (high,low) additional pair of sneakers, sunglasses, sunscreen & sulwahoo uv face cream.
stuff to wash face, moisturizers. body lotion, foot lotion
laptop, laptop charger, ipod, ipod charger, cellphone, cellphone charger, camera, camera battery charger, camera cable, flip, flip renewable batteries. ALL cables needed to blog!!! extension cord. extra AA batteries
makeup stuff: makeup remover, travel-size dhc. acerola lotion. brushes, foundation, tinted foundation, chapstick with spf, lipsmacker for carryon AND makeup. lipgloss, lipstick, blush, contour, a few palettes & eyeshadow shades, eyeliner, highlight, etc; TWEEZERS, bandanna, hat
mentholatum, advil, atomizers, chargers, additional batteries, additional eliquid, passthrough. stronger juice. ear phones, both sets!! camelbak, light fleece jacket, umbrella, makeup bag, a purse or two. cards, i.d. just a bit of cash for the trip. walking sticks, hat, toothpaste, tissues (carry on), body scrubbie, hand sanitizer, bengay, earrings!! perfume, water bottles
female products, pillow, bandages and wrapping stuff, first aid kit.
Write down travel itinerary, address and phone numbers, cab numbers, keep in carry on. mini speakers
- END PACKING LIST -
So after my invigorating one hour nap... NOT... I hitched up with the 'rents and headed to NYC. After some nice goodbyes, I headed into Penn Station. Before I got to the lounge in Penn Station I managed to chip my prayer bracelet that I had brought to keep me safe and rip off part of my fingernail. Fun!
I then sat down for a few hours and read some news and attempted to blog a bit. Here's what I came up with at the time: My NOTES!! (I'm running out of time in Chicago and it's difficult to cram two days in when you're sleep deprived and not making any sense)
feelings: nervous, excited, scared, anxious. adventure will really begin when I get on the train. prepping for months for 'stuff'. should've prepped my body but as i said earlier, we all wouldn't even be going if we had good habits to begin with. scared to fall off mountains. worried about having enough time to run back to the room to clean braces between meals. insert some adult braces jokes. excited about meeting the biggest loser resort celebs. worried i won't be able to keep up.
Tell Curves Fitness story: Nearly passed out once at my first training session at Curves of all places. One second you're jogging in place to muzak, the next all you're seeing is black spots on the floor.
scared of everything, I'm turning into my mother. scared of snakes, scared of falling down mountains, scared of heat stroke. scared of pain. worried about this, that and everything else.
- END NOTES-
After my brain fart regarding the planning of what was supposed to be a nice new post, I came up with some sections that had actual complete sentences. e voila:
Want to talk about lost opportunities? I am a huge huge fan of Robert Pattinson... at least of his face. This super-sleuthing chica here managed to find out where he was staying and some of his event locations in NY, including one radio apperance at Z100. I contemplated back and forth about going to go stalk him. In the end, I knew I was going to regret it but I talked myself out of it. Why you ask? My FAT stopped me. It's become it's own entity. My Fat is fear embodied into a physical mound. I gave up the opportunity to meet the heartthrob of decade, the one whose skin glitters in his movies and girls paid $10,000 each for a peck on the cheek because I was too embarassed about my weight..
Oh, that's not all. That's not all indeed. Want to hear of another opportunity that I turned down because of my fat? A friend of mine from college, his name is 'J.' J used to work for Sony Music, toured with Britney Spears, etc; He is close personal friends with some of the members of The Fray, apparently they went to school together and during the height of their popularity with the song, 'Over My Head,' I was invited, nay, my friend J pleaded with me to go with him to a concert for free AND hang out with them back stage after the show. I hemmed and hawed again. I wanted to go desperately. My fat said no. I didn't go. :(
When I was thinner, you couldn't keep me away from even the inkling of a possibility that I'd get to meet a celebrity. Don't let yourself be me. Don't let the fat win.
Cr@p. Stupid woman talking on the phone right next to me just ruined the rest of my witty written epiphany. It just flew out of my mind. Darn it.
For a celebrity ho like myself, can you believe that?
How many of YOU would have done what I did?
So back to the future. It's almost time to go so I have to run. I'll try to blog a bit more later about my train trip. I will also try my best to make more sense and be coherent. The only reason I put up such a disjointed post is because many were requesting an update. I really appreciate that but this is the best I could come up with in my current physical and mental state.
*real time update:
Some of my short vids uploaded! They're going to call my train in just a few minutes so here they are, promise next time they'll be in a decent order:
Amtrak Lounge & Trek to Track (this one is me videotaping the Amtrak Club Acela Lounge in Penn Station, NY and then stumbling to my track. Pardon the humming.)
On Da Train (This is on the train)
Blog you all later!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Still Packing! Here's a trip down memory lane...
I Fear My Wii Fit...: June 27th, 2008
I braved stepping onto my Wii Fit today. It informed me that my cowardice of its disapproval lasted a total of 22 days. On a positive note, it also said that I lost 1.8 pounds since I last stepped on. Yay. It also said that I was exactly 177.5 pounds. Another big yay! Lastly, it stated that if I just lose another 8 pounds or so I will make the transition from obese to just plain old overweight. For me, that will be an official movement from FAT to CHUBBY. I hate the word obese. It's just so ugly. I'd rather be called plain old fat than obese.
Random thought: One day, I will be able to touch my toes. That will be a sweet sweet day indeed.
When you're hungry, you start dreaming of really weird things that you want to eat. I made a list earlier of the things I want to eat on my cheat day. The food is not only strange but I think I may only be able to eat one or two things before my gut says no. Here's the list in all its weird and disturbing glory:
Someone tell me what my body wants and needs 'cause I have no freaking clue. From that list you'd imagine I'd end up at an international food buffet or Andrew Zimmern's, 'Bizarre Foods.' I'm still thrilled that the one food that Andrew couldn't conquer was Taiwan's Stinky Tofu. Big ups to the homeland!! (Btw, that stuff is actually tasty, lol)
My strange food cravings makes me think of that odd commercial that shows a grimacing woman clutching her stomach with a disembodied voiceover saying, "I can't concentrate... Could I be pregnant?"
My commercial would be me grimacing, clutching my stomach with a disembodied voiceover saying, "I can't concentrate... Could I be hungry?"
Back to the future and back to packing! I can't believe that my Fitness Ridge adventure is about to begin. Woo hoo!
I braved stepping onto my Wii Fit today. It informed me that my cowardice of its disapproval lasted a total of 22 days. On a positive note, it also said that I lost 1.8 pounds since I last stepped on. Yay. It also said that I was exactly 177.5 pounds. Another big yay! Lastly, it stated that if I just lose another 8 pounds or so I will make the transition from obese to just plain old overweight. For me, that will be an official movement from FAT to CHUBBY. I hate the word obese. It's just so ugly. I'd rather be called plain old fat than obese.
Random thought: One day, I will be able to touch my toes. That will be a sweet sweet day indeed.
When you're hungry, you start dreaming of really weird things that you want to eat. I made a list earlier of the things I want to eat on my cheat day. The food is not only strange but I think I may only be able to eat one or two things before my gut says no. Here's the list in all its weird and disturbing glory:
- english style fried bread
- mashed potatoes
- japanese style naporitan spaghetti (garlic & onions, butter, ketchup, hot dogs, peas, bacon, milk, ketchup and pasta)
- beef tendon soup (you gotta try it, it's not as gross as it sounds)
- fried oysters
- sausage
- crab with mayonnaise
- sushi
- pizza
- beef noodle soup
- fried fish dumplings
Someone tell me what my body wants and needs 'cause I have no freaking clue. From that list you'd imagine I'd end up at an international food buffet or Andrew Zimmern's, 'Bizarre Foods.' I'm still thrilled that the one food that Andrew couldn't conquer was Taiwan's Stinky Tofu. Big ups to the homeland!! (Btw, that stuff is actually tasty, lol)
My strange food cravings makes me think of that odd commercial that shows a grimacing woman clutching her stomach with a disembodied voiceover saying, "I can't concentrate... Could I be pregnant?"
My commercial would be me grimacing, clutching my stomach with a disembodied voiceover saying, "I can't concentrate... Could I be hungry?"
Back to the future and back to packing! I can't believe that my Fitness Ridge adventure is about to begin. Woo hoo!
Monday, April 26, 2010
My Search for Cinderella's Running Sneaker.
Today was an interesting day in its simplicity. I've been trying to tie up lots of loose ends before I leave for FR on Thursday and one of those loose ends included deciding what to do about my running sneakers.
Now hold on a minute, I know it sounds like it may be a dull post but this post will be surprisingly informative! I promise!
Your feet are important, especially when you're about to undertake a fitness odyssey of epic proportions like me. ;) The odyssey is of epic proportions, not the future me, myself and I. :P My small little feet need to hold up a pretty big frame, so they need to be comfy.
If you get a blister, not only could it ruin your day but it even has the potential to kill you! I shiz you not! Just google blisters and septicemia. (for those that are too lazy to do that, just don't get into a pool or a hot tub if you do get a blister)
Anyhoo. No one wants blisters. They hurt, they're gross and they just plain suck. Prevention is key!
Soooo... back to my sneakers. I purchased 3 pairs of Brooks Adrenaline GTS10 sneakers in varying sizes and widths in the hope of finding my perfect fit.
Pretty, huh?
Prior to this I had even gone to a specialized running store and tried on about 10 other pairs of sneakers before narrowing them down to the Adrenalines. But more on that in a future blog posting.
I spent the day walking around in my various sneakers feeling like Goldilocks because:
1. One pair was too small
2. One pair was too big
3. One pair was... ah crap.
None of them fit just right. :(
I had to decide between sneakers that were too tight by my toes and just right in the heels or sneakers that gave my toes plenty of wiggle room but were sliding up and down in the back. It seemed like I'd either have to embrace having toe blisters or heel blisters. :P
I decided I wasn't going to accept EITHER. I decided to use my brain and get SMART instead!
Here's some tootsie fabulous facts that'll have you Jeopardy-ready:
Feet can actually be different sizes throughout the course of the day with the late afternoon being when they're at their largest. This is prime shoe shopping time. Bet you didn't know that, huh?!
Feet can also swell during exercise, which is why many runners recommend sizing a half size up when you purchase sneakers. Also, sneakers need a bit of time to break in and they can only get broken in with some wear and tear on your part.
Your toes should not squish together, otherwise that will cause blisters. Heels should not freely slide up and down because that can ALSO cause blisters. When wearing le parfait sneakers, you should not be able to stick your thumb between your heel and the back of the shoe. Sneakers should have about 1/4" to a full 1/2" of wiggle room up front otherwise you can get the dreaded BLACK TOE. It's ugly and self-explanatory.
Sneaker shopping is almost akin to car shopping in its complexity, right?
So how did I solve my dilemma you ask? I got some advice from a running sneaker expert! His advice? Go bigger or go home! (I've always wanted to say that) He also recommended that I double up on my socks so that the heels wouldn't slide around as much.
Skeptical, I gave it a try... and by golly, Mr. Shoe Expert was right on the money. With two pairs of socks, the larger sneakers fit just right!
Also, with two pairs of socks, there's even less chance of blisters because the socks will reduce friction on your feet.
Here's just a few more pointers for YOUR future sneaker shopping odyssey in numerical format because I'm getting tired:
1. Use socks made of synthetic materials. Cotton retains moisture which keep your feet moist. Moist feet equals skin that is more delicate and prone to tearing. Fancy-schmancy socks that use synthetic materials like cool max really do keep your feet dryer and hence less blister prone.
2. Want to up your blister protection but want thinner socks? There are lots of socks available on the market that are double layered and made with thinner, synthetic materials. Just check at your local running shop. Roadrunner Sports has a great selection with lots of different brands available! (RS, feel free to send me some gratis. ::wink wink:: Hey! I freely admit to having absolutely no shame!)
3. Antiperspirant Spray. Spray your feet to keep them from sweating or even use baby powder or corn starch to keep moisture away. Dry feet are comfy, happy feet. Less smelly too. lol.
4. Lube it up! Vaseline/Petroleum Jelly and products like bodyglide are also great in blister prevention. Just lube up areas that feel hot or are blister prone and it'll help keep you friction-free.
Ain't no blisters going to be getting through to my tootsies!
(And as a side note, watch for a future blog where I deal with blisters that I'm going to get. Mwah ha ha! Prevention is great but sometimes things still slide on through, I'm sure.)
Ideally, you should take the time to really work in a sneaker before you make a decision. Don't be like me and wait until the last minute. Once you get the sneaker, be wise and take heed of all the knowledge that I've garnered in prepping for my trip.
So as a parting note in this sneaker-tastic blog post, I leave you with the very sage advice from Captain Dan of Forrest Gump fame:
Now hold on a minute, I know it sounds like it may be a dull post but this post will be surprisingly informative! I promise!
Your feet are important, especially when you're about to undertake a fitness odyssey of epic proportions like me. ;) The odyssey is of epic proportions, not the future me, myself and I. :P My small little feet need to hold up a pretty big frame, so they need to be comfy.
If you get a blister, not only could it ruin your day but it even has the potential to kill you! I shiz you not! Just google blisters and septicemia. (for those that are too lazy to do that, just don't get into a pool or a hot tub if you do get a blister)
Anyhoo. No one wants blisters. They hurt, they're gross and they just plain suck. Prevention is key!
Soooo... back to my sneakers. I purchased 3 pairs of Brooks Adrenaline GTS10 sneakers in varying sizes and widths in the hope of finding my perfect fit.
Pretty, huh?
Prior to this I had even gone to a specialized running store and tried on about 10 other pairs of sneakers before narrowing them down to the Adrenalines. But more on that in a future blog posting.
I spent the day walking around in my various sneakers feeling like Goldilocks because:
1. One pair was too small
2. One pair was too big
3. One pair was... ah crap.
None of them fit just right. :(
I had to decide between sneakers that were too tight by my toes and just right in the heels or sneakers that gave my toes plenty of wiggle room but were sliding up and down in the back. It seemed like I'd either have to embrace having toe blisters or heel blisters. :P
I decided I wasn't going to accept EITHER. I decided to use my brain and get SMART instead!
Here's some tootsie fabulous facts that'll have you Jeopardy-ready:
Feet can actually be different sizes throughout the course of the day with the late afternoon being when they're at their largest. This is prime shoe shopping time. Bet you didn't know that, huh?!
Feet can also swell during exercise, which is why many runners recommend sizing a half size up when you purchase sneakers. Also, sneakers need a bit of time to break in and they can only get broken in with some wear and tear on your part.
Your toes should not squish together, otherwise that will cause blisters. Heels should not freely slide up and down because that can ALSO cause blisters. When wearing le parfait sneakers, you should not be able to stick your thumb between your heel and the back of the shoe. Sneakers should have about 1/4" to a full 1/2" of wiggle room up front otherwise you can get the dreaded BLACK TOE. It's ugly and self-explanatory.
Sneaker shopping is almost akin to car shopping in its complexity, right?
So how did I solve my dilemma you ask? I got some advice from a running sneaker expert! His advice? Go bigger or go home! (I've always wanted to say that) He also recommended that I double up on my socks so that the heels wouldn't slide around as much.
Skeptical, I gave it a try... and by golly, Mr. Shoe Expert was right on the money. With two pairs of socks, the larger sneakers fit just right!
Also, with two pairs of socks, there's even less chance of blisters because the socks will reduce friction on your feet.
Here's just a few more pointers for YOUR future sneaker shopping odyssey in numerical format because I'm getting tired:
1. Use socks made of synthetic materials. Cotton retains moisture which keep your feet moist. Moist feet equals skin that is more delicate and prone to tearing. Fancy-schmancy socks that use synthetic materials like cool max really do keep your feet dryer and hence less blister prone.
2. Want to up your blister protection but want thinner socks? There are lots of socks available on the market that are double layered and made with thinner, synthetic materials. Just check at your local running shop. Roadrunner Sports has a great selection with lots of different brands available! (RS, feel free to send me some gratis. ::wink wink:: Hey! I freely admit to having absolutely no shame!)
3. Antiperspirant Spray. Spray your feet to keep them from sweating or even use baby powder or corn starch to keep moisture away. Dry feet are comfy, happy feet. Less smelly too. lol.
4. Lube it up! Vaseline/Petroleum Jelly and products like bodyglide are also great in blister prevention. Just lube up areas that feel hot or are blister prone and it'll help keep you friction-free.
Ain't no blisters going to be getting through to my tootsies!
(And as a side note, watch for a future blog where I deal with blisters that I'm going to get. Mwah ha ha! Prevention is great but sometimes things still slide on through, I'm sure.)
Ideally, you should take the time to really work in a sneaker before you make a decision. Don't be like me and wait until the last minute. Once you get the sneaker, be wise and take heed of all the knowledge that I've garnered in prepping for my trip.
So as a parting note in this sneaker-tastic blog post, I leave you with the very sage advice from Captain Dan of Forrest Gump fame:
"There is one item of G.I. gear that can be the difference between a live grunt and a dead grunt. Socks... Try and keep your feet dry."
Here's Coming... A Better Version of Me.
So how does one start a blog? This is something that has agonized me for the past few weeks. How much do you reveal, how much do you conceal, should I censor myself? All these thoughts and questions have been swirling around in my head since I decided to start my Fitness Ridge/weight loss blog.
This isn’t my first attempt in the blogosphere. In fact, I’ve had several blogs in the past. I even managed to rack up more than 100 posts in the course of a year on one of them. The thing is… all my posts were private. It was like an on-line diary so there was no need to censor myself. I was completely candid about everyone and everything.
The all important first post sets the tone for the rest of the blog. Exposing all the bits and pieces of your life to the public also opens up the possibility of criticism and mockery. It’s terrifying! No one wants to be judged or criticized and anything you say or do could potentially come back to bite you in the a$$.
After all this needless mental anguish and over-analytical hoopla, I’ve decided this:
I’m going b@lls out.
Yes, indeedy I am. You only live once, right? I’ve lived under my own personal life mantra of, “do what you want, you’re never going to see these people again,” thing now for years and generally it’s served me pretty well to allow me to be the person that I am today.
I will be NO HOLDS BARRED!
To an extent.
With the wise words of my good friend ‘B’ ringing through my head, I will monitor my cursing and candidness regarding my personal life online because, according to her, it’s DANGEROUS. I will heed her words and reign in my potty mouth as best as I can. If I feel the need to curse, which I feel quite frequently I might add, I will begin my cursing with the apropos letter and the general public may supplement whatever tickles their fancy.
So! Onto the important information. Why are you reading my blog in the first place?
My name is Zajiue and I am fat.
According to the National Institute of Health’s handy-dandy BMI chart, I am in fact, obese. I am currently the heaviest I’ve ever been in my 29 years on this earth. It’s a shameful and sad fact to me that I am ::gasp!:: currently 5’3” and 187 pounds.
I haven’t always been this way however. Growing up, I was so thin that my friends called me anorexic and my mother force-fed me steaks and liver soup to help me try to gain weight. I present my readers with proof with Exhibit A.
In high school I ate all sorts of junk in large quantities and besides a brief one month stint on the track team, (a friend bet that I couldn’t last 2 weeks, so I did it for a month to spite her) I never exercised and was STILL thin. Enter Exhibit B.
It’s not that during that time period I didn’t try to lose weight. I’m always trying. I’ve tried every diet known to man and even invented some of my own. (I’ll be sure to blog about that later) So in 6 years of dieting, what did I accomplish?
The longest that I ever faithfully stuck to a diet was one month. The longest I ever exercised consistently was 2 months. The most weight I have ever consecutively lost was 12 pounds. But the greatest constant of every single diet attempt? I ended up gaining the weight back and added a few more on for good measure. Not a great track record.
I’m not diet stupid. Far from it. I’ve even had conversations with nutritionists who were surprised that I knew as much as they did. I know that you can lose weight on almost any diet… IF YOU STICK TO IT. I know that it’s calories in and calories out. I know all that I know and I haven’t been able to break the cycle. Maybe it’s my lack of will power, maybe it’s something else. All that I know is that I’m sick and tired of it and I’m sick and tired of myself being this way.
Being fat is not a good way to be. You don’t feel good. It’s harder to move. You can’t wear pretty clothes. People treat you like you’re invisible or they look at you funny.
I can’t live like this anymore. Life is short and I’ve already wasted some prime years away.
So I’ve decided to do a few things. I’m starting this blog so that I can hold myself accountable. I am making it viewable to everyone so that I can have the support of others to spur me on. Most of all, I saved and scrimped and I will be going to Utah in a few short days to stay for a month at Fitness Ridge, a.k.a. The Biggest Loser Resort!!!
I know my faults. In my heart of hearts I truly believe that with this one month jumpstart that FR will give me, I’ll be able to get myself on track for the first time ever. My SO (significant other) ‘N’ has always joked that the perfect antidote to obesity was his version of the Alcatraz diet. Lock ‘em up, feed ‘em nothing’ but bread and water and force them to do hard labor. (of course that’s what a skinny person would say)
While he has a point, I will be doing it my way. I’m going to a health RESORT! I know it’s going to be difficult. I’ve read countless blogs and articles talking about how amazing and life changing the experience at FR has been for others. I have my doubts, I mean come on, you know it sounds too good to be true! Life changing? Everyone happy that they’re being pushed to exercise hours and hours a day? Proud of BLISTERS?! If at the end of my FR journey, I sound the same as all the others before me… then you will KNOW that all the stories are true.
I’ve always read that it takes 30 days to develop new habits. In 30 days I hope that my body will become accustomed to eating smaller, healthier portions. In 30 days, I hope that I will be ‘in shape’ for the first time in my life because I have been thin but I’ve never been in shape. In 30 days and with the wise words of Fiona Apple in my head, I hope to become a better version of ME.
This isn’t my first attempt in the blogosphere. In fact, I’ve had several blogs in the past. I even managed to rack up more than 100 posts in the course of a year on one of them. The thing is… all my posts were private. It was like an on-line diary so there was no need to censor myself. I was completely candid about everyone and everything.
The all important first post sets the tone for the rest of the blog. Exposing all the bits and pieces of your life to the public also opens up the possibility of criticism and mockery. It’s terrifying! No one wants to be judged or criticized and anything you say or do could potentially come back to bite you in the a$$.
After all this needless mental anguish and over-analytical hoopla, I’ve decided this:
I’m going b@lls out.
Yes, indeedy I am. You only live once, right? I’ve lived under my own personal life mantra of, “do what you want, you’re never going to see these people again,” thing now for years and generally it’s served me pretty well to allow me to be the person that I am today.
I will be NO HOLDS BARRED!
To an extent.
With the wise words of my good friend ‘B’ ringing through my head, I will monitor my cursing and candidness regarding my personal life online because, according to her, it’s DANGEROUS. I will heed her words and reign in my potty mouth as best as I can. If I feel the need to curse, which I feel quite frequently I might add, I will begin my cursing with the apropos letter and the general public may supplement whatever tickles their fancy.
So! Onto the important information. Why are you reading my blog in the first place?
My name is Zajiue and I am fat.
According to the National Institute of Health’s handy-dandy BMI chart, I am in fact, obese. I am currently the heaviest I’ve ever been in my 29 years on this earth. It’s a shameful and sad fact to me that I am ::gasp!:: currently 5’3” and 187 pounds.
I haven’t always been this way however. Growing up, I was so thin that my friends called me anorexic and my mother force-fed me steaks and liver soup to help me try to gain weight. I present my readers with proof with Exhibit A.
You know you would’ve wanted to force feed me cookies too!
In high school I ate all sorts of junk in large quantities and besides a brief one month stint on the track team, (a friend bet that I couldn’t last 2 weeks, so I did it for a month to spite her) I never exercised and was STILL thin. Enter Exhibit B.
Don't mind the full cheeks, it's an Asian thing. I'm smiling because I just ate lots of cookies.
I entered college at 112 pounds and exited around 135.
So what happened?!
According to my doctors, I developed a thyroid problem. Strangely enough, I was hyper-thyroid and not hypo. People who have hyperthyroidism generally lose weight but I was one of those rare cases that gained weight because of an increased appetite. I’ve never been a fast food junkie, restaurant warrior, nor do I drink soda; I just consume massive quantities of food.
In fact, I ate so much food that if not for my hyperthyroidism, I probably would have been twice as big as I was. (For those that are concerned, my doctors have told me that just this year my thyroid has begun regulating itself.) That, added to the fact that after 2003, I became increasingly sedentary. Blame it on the fact that I went back to school or perhaps on a steady long-term relationship or just simple laziness. But the fact of the matter is, I stopped moving.
The larger I got, the less I moved. The less I moved, the larger I got. The larger I got, the more ashamed of my appearance I became. I stopped participating in fun events and hid from social activities and friends. I was living a life half-lived.
If in the future, if I have children and grand children, they will be certain to ask, “Grandma, what happened to you between 2004 and 2010?” Why will they ask? Because during that time period there are almost no pictures taken of me. None voluntarily at least. It’s like a black hole in the span of my life. I literally disappeared for 6 years because of my fat. Enter Exhibit C. This one's scary.
So what happened?!
According to my doctors, I developed a thyroid problem. Strangely enough, I was hyper-thyroid and not hypo. People who have hyperthyroidism generally lose weight but I was one of those rare cases that gained weight because of an increased appetite. I’ve never been a fast food junkie, restaurant warrior, nor do I drink soda; I just consume massive quantities of food.
In fact, I ate so much food that if not for my hyperthyroidism, I probably would have been twice as big as I was. (For those that are concerned, my doctors have told me that just this year my thyroid has begun regulating itself.) That, added to the fact that after 2003, I became increasingly sedentary. Blame it on the fact that I went back to school or perhaps on a steady long-term relationship or just simple laziness. But the fact of the matter is, I stopped moving.
The larger I got, the less I moved. The less I moved, the larger I got. The larger I got, the more ashamed of my appearance I became. I stopped participating in fun events and hid from social activities and friends. I was living a life half-lived.
If in the future, if I have children and grand children, they will be certain to ask, “Grandma, what happened to you between 2004 and 2010?” Why will they ask? Because during that time period there are almost no pictures taken of me. None voluntarily at least. It’s like a black hole in the span of my life. I literally disappeared for 6 years because of my fat. Enter Exhibit C. This one's scary.
Does this look like a voluntarily taken picture to you? I think not. I'm wearing a Santa hat for goodness sakes!
It’s not that during that time period I didn’t try to lose weight. I’m always trying. I’ve tried every diet known to man and even invented some of my own. (I’ll be sure to blog about that later) So in 6 years of dieting, what did I accomplish?
The longest that I ever faithfully stuck to a diet was one month. The longest I ever exercised consistently was 2 months. The most weight I have ever consecutively lost was 12 pounds. But the greatest constant of every single diet attempt? I ended up gaining the weight back and added a few more on for good measure. Not a great track record.
I’m not diet stupid. Far from it. I’ve even had conversations with nutritionists who were surprised that I knew as much as they did. I know that you can lose weight on almost any diet… IF YOU STICK TO IT. I know that it’s calories in and calories out. I know all that I know and I haven’t been able to break the cycle. Maybe it’s my lack of will power, maybe it’s something else. All that I know is that I’m sick and tired of it and I’m sick and tired of myself being this way.
Being fat is not a good way to be. You don’t feel good. It’s harder to move. You can’t wear pretty clothes. People treat you like you’re invisible or they look at you funny.
I can’t live like this anymore. Life is short and I’ve already wasted some prime years away.
So I’ve decided to do a few things. I’m starting this blog so that I can hold myself accountable. I am making it viewable to everyone so that I can have the support of others to spur me on. Most of all, I saved and scrimped and I will be going to Utah in a few short days to stay for a month at Fitness Ridge, a.k.a. The Biggest Loser Resort!!!
I know my faults. In my heart of hearts I truly believe that with this one month jumpstart that FR will give me, I’ll be able to get myself on track for the first time ever. My SO (significant other) ‘N’ has always joked that the perfect antidote to obesity was his version of the Alcatraz diet. Lock ‘em up, feed ‘em nothing’ but bread and water and force them to do hard labor. (of course that’s what a skinny person would say)
While he has a point, I will be doing it my way. I’m going to a health RESORT! I know it’s going to be difficult. I’ve read countless blogs and articles talking about how amazing and life changing the experience at FR has been for others. I have my doubts, I mean come on, you know it sounds too good to be true! Life changing? Everyone happy that they’re being pushed to exercise hours and hours a day? Proud of BLISTERS?! If at the end of my FR journey, I sound the same as all the others before me… then you will KNOW that all the stories are true.
I’ve always read that it takes 30 days to develop new habits. In 30 days I hope that my body will become accustomed to eating smaller, healthier portions. In 30 days, I hope that I will be ‘in shape’ for the first time in my life because I have been thin but I’ve never been in shape. In 30 days and with the wise words of Fiona Apple in my head, I hope to become a better version of ME.
Fiona Apple - A Better Version of Me
I'm a frightened, fickle person
Fighting, cryin', kickin', cursin'
What should I do
Oooh, after all the folderol,
And hauling over coals stops
What will I do
Can't take a good day without a bad one
Don't feel just to smile until I've had one
Where did I learn
I make a fuss about a little thing
The rhyme is losing to the riddling
Where's the turn
I don't want a home, I'd ruin that
Home is where my habits have a habitat
Why give it a turn
Oh, after all the folderol
And hauling over coals stops
What did I learn
I am likely to miss the main event
If I stop to cry or complain again
So I will keep a deliberate pace
Let the damned breeze dry my face
Oh, mister, wait until you see
What I'm gonna be
I've got a plan, a demand and it just began
And if you're right, you'll agree
Here's coming a better version of me
Here it comes a better version of me
I'm a frightened, fickle person
Fighting, cryin', kickin', cursin'
What should I do
Oooh, after all the folderol,
And hauling over coals stops
What will I do
Can't take a good day without a bad one
Don't feel just to smile until I've had one
Where did I learn
I make a fuss about a little thing
The rhyme is losing to the riddling
Where's the turn
I don't want a home, I'd ruin that
Home is where my habits have a habitat
Why give it a turn
Oh, after all the folderol
And hauling over coals stops
What did I learn
I am likely to miss the main event
If I stop to cry or complain again
So I will keep a deliberate pace
Let the damned breeze dry my face
Oh, mister, wait until you see
What I'm gonna be
I've got a plan, a demand and it just began
And if you're right, you'll agree
Here's coming a better version of me
Here it comes a better version of me
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